- To make hard decisions about what’s best for you, even if it may hurt others
- To try to help yourself
- To focus on your own happiness rather than that of someone else
- To put yourself first. Period.
- To make mistakes and learn from them
- To not regret something that didn’t work out, even if you worked at it for a long time
- To want more – to be the best you can be
- That things don’t always go the way you hope or plan
- To be nervous about starting over
- To feel like it is time to start over
- To be even just a little bit selfish
I recently went through a major life change. The relationship I’ve been in for the past six years came to an end and I find myself in a position of starting over again. I’m not going to go into details, but things just weren’t working out anymore. For the past seven weeks or so, I was splitting my time between living at my mom’s house on weekends (my cat moved in with her) and a friend’s house during the week so I could continue to work. I used the time to get my practical affairs in order. My ridiculous student loan has been refinanced, my expenses and budget have been revamped, and I’ve found a new place of my own to live. I have been living here now for just over a week. I am both excited and nervous about how things have shaped up. The logical things have been the easy part to deal with. I have been trying to get my emotional affairs in order as well. I’m “okay” now, but still learning how to be on my own emotionally, though at times I am still a bit of a wreck. I tear up at odd things, ideas, thoughts… Little things will trigger unexpected emotions. I miss things, the good things, but I guess that’s something that’s to be expected. We tend to remember more good things than bad (though, try to remember a proper compliment!). Going forward everything is going to be new to me. I’ve never actually lived completely on my own before. I’ve always had at least a roommate. As such, the place I have found is quite small. I don’t think I could handle a large space for just me and my cat right now. The location is great. It’s actually within walking distance of my job, which is incredibly convenient. Added bonus: it’s affordable. I have just about everything I need too. There are just a few minor furniture details to be ironed out. I think I am ready for this. It’s time for me. Time to do things my way.
This past week in my new apartment has been a definite adjustment for me. I actually can’t remember the last time I was completely alone, and I have been “alone” aside from a few visitors since Tuesday night. It’s been a new experience. I have to admit I have been texting friends a lot more often than usual. I am sure they are sick of hearing from me. But I have been adjusting to my new surroundings and situation slowly but surely, as has Tobi. We are now both sleeping through the night, and our days are pretty chill. I took last week off work, and I am glad I did. Neither of us would have been ready for me to go back before Tuesday. I am learning to be alone… to live alone, to be alone, to do things on my own. I guess I am learning to fully exercise my independence at this point. For many years, I think have been afraid to. One of the many things being shoved on me that are new, that I need to get over the fear of. Slowly but surely, I seem to be gaining a bit of confidence. I hope that now I am back to work, Tobi and I will settle into a new routine and I will become more comfortable with things as they are now.
I am ready for fresh new and exciting things to come in the future. I hope to share those things as they come along. Hello, new life.