It’s Okay… (Some Heavy Stuff)

  • To make hard decisions about what’s best for you, even if it may hurt others
  • To try to help yourself
  • To focus on your own happiness rather than that of someone else
  • To put yourself first. Period.
  • To make mistakes and learn from them
  • To not regret something that didn’t work out, even if you worked at it for a long time
  • To want more – to be the best you can be
  • That things don’t always go the way you hope or plan
  • To be nervous about starting over
  • To feel like it is time to start over
  • To be even just a little bit selfish

I recently went through a major life change. The relationship I’ve been in for the past six years came to an end and I find myself in a position of starting over again.  I’m not going to go into details, but things just weren’t working out anymore. For the past seven weeks or so, I was splitting my time between living at my mom’s house on weekends (my cat moved in with her) and a friend’s house during the week so I could continue to work. I used the time to get my practical affairs in order. My ridiculous student loan has been refinanced, my expenses and budget have been revamped, and I’ve found a new place of my own to live. I have been living here now for just over a week.  I am both excited and nervous about how things have shaped up. The logical things have been the easy part to deal with. I have been trying to get my emotional affairs in order as well. I’m “okay” now, but still learning how to be on my own emotionally, though at times I am still a bit of a wreck. I tear up at odd things, ideas, thoughts… Little things will trigger unexpected emotions. I miss things, the good things, but I guess that’s something that’s to be expected. We tend to remember more good things than bad (though, try to remember a proper compliment!). Going forward everything is going to be new to me. I’ve never actually lived completely on my own before. I’ve always had at least a roommate. As such, the place I have found is quite small. I don’t think I could handle a large space for just me and my cat right now. The location is great. It’s actually within walking distance of my job, which is incredibly convenient. Added bonus: it’s affordable. I have just about everything I need too. There are just a few minor furniture details to be ironed out.  I think I am ready for this. It’s time for me. Time to do things my way.

This past week in my new apartment has been a definite adjustment for me. I actually can’t remember the last time I was completely alone, and I have been “alone” aside from a few visitors since Tuesday night. It’s been a new experience. I have to admit I have been texting friends a lot more often than usual. I am sure they are sick of hearing from me. But I have been adjusting to my new surroundings and situation slowly but surely, as has Tobi. We are now both sleeping through the night, and our days are pretty chill. I took last week off work, and I am glad I did. Neither of us would have been ready for me to go back before Tuesday. I am learning to be alone… to live alone, to be alone, to do things on my own. I guess I am learning to fully exercise my independence at this point. For many years, I think have been afraid to. One of the many things being shoved on me that are new, that I need to get over the fear of. Slowly but surely, I seem to be gaining a bit of confidence. I hope that now I am back to work, Tobi and I will settle into a new routine and I will become more comfortable with things as they are now.

I am ready for fresh new and exciting things to come in the future. I hope to share those things as they come along. Hello, new life.

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4 thoughts on “It’s Okay… (Some Heavy Stuff)

  1. Sounds like a fresh beginning. Someone said (and if my office was in order I’d tell you) “The genius is in the beginning”. Other things are slowly going to spread out before you. Trust in God to guide your steps.
    I’m new to your email feed and see that we will have a lot in common.
    I hope to hear from you!

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