This post is a few days (4!) later than I planned, but as you read I think you may see why.
The timeframe for my 30 Before 30 project is nearing the end. I have just shy of three weeks left, and I have come to a realization: I’m not going to complete my list!
A month or two ago, I might have been upset that I won’t be completing everything on my list. Today, I have accepted that I gave myself a lot to do with this list and while I haven’t managed everything, I have learned and accomplished much more than what was on this list.
First of all, these are the things I didn’t manage to accomplish:
- I didn’t go on a picnic.
- I didn’t go for a hike.
- Bird of Hope WIP remains unfinished.
- I still can’t drive standard.
- I didn’t read the books I own that I haven’t read yet; however, the number of books managed to increase!
- I read only 1 non-fiction book.
- I didn’t lose 15 pounds, instead I gained 30.
- I only made 1 “new, healthy, interesting” meal.
- I only noted 11 specific new things I have learned.
As I mentioned, a short time ago this list would have sent me over the deep end with an anxiety attack of epic proportions; but I can handle things like this a bit better these days. It’s in keeping with my promise to be more kind to myself and to not hold myself to a ridiculous double standard as I have so often in the past. So no, I didn’t complete everything on my list. But I also recognize that I learned and did so much more than the things on this list. This list does not define me!
That all being said, let’s take a look at what I’ve learned during the same time period:
- Cross stitching is out for me right now and that Bird of Hope WIP won’t be getting done anytime soon. Crocheting is my jam right now, and I’ve made many things to be proud of including dish cloths, coasters, scarves, and my now half-finished blanket.
- I’m not at all adventurous when it comes to cooking. As much as I love food and trying new dishes, it’s just too much work to try and find new recipes and test them. I’m also not a baker.
- Losing weigh is HARD, gaining it is much easier. ESPECIALLY when dealing with many months of an emotional rollercoaster. I feel like telling anyone who judges overweight people to just fuck off, because you have no idea what they are dealing with, myself included. Also, the next episode of the day’s TV show is MUCH more enticing to me than any kind of physical activity…but that might also be my depression talking.
- The Winter Blues is a thing. I have been officially diagnosed as have persistent depressive disorder with seasonal worsening. And OH BOY does it ever worsen! It starts in October for me, and there went a good chunk of my list completing time. Another thing I am learning to accept about myself. Things sometimes don’t happen because of things are that aren’t completely within my control. I can’t control or fix my depression, I can only manage it. And during the fall and winter months, that usually means that getting my dishes done is a huge victory, let along doing something like going for a hike.
Some of these things are minor things and some of them are pretty huge; however all of it is indicative of my getting to know myself better. This is a huge deal considering I have spent a good chunk of my life trying to make everyone around me happy and be what they think I should be rather than make myself happy and be who I want to be. Not living like that has made my life much easier, and much happier. It has led me to accomplishing so many more things outside of my 30 Before 30 list, just general life-things. Things even bigger than the list:
- I made a very difficult and life-changing decision over the summer (as you, my readers well know) and my life has taken off and been a bit of a whirlwind ever since.
- I moved into a place that is truly my own, and I am living completely on my own for the very first time ever.
- I’ve reconnected with many friends and made many more. I have a real social life.
- I am spending more time with family than ever, and am finally getting to know my nieces and nephew.
- I wrote a short piece of poetry that I continue to be proud of.
- I crashed emotionally and have built myself back up slowly but surely to be stronger than ever.
- I GOT A NEW JOB!
The items in this list include so many different things, small accomplishments that were stepping stones to the large. I’m still learning and accomplishing as we speak. I don’t think it’s ever going to end! There has just been so much change in the past year, it’s hard to believe, even for myself. I am so proud of EVERYTHING I had accomplished in this past year. This year, I am convinced, will only be full or more. More accomplishments, more experiences, more learning, yet more self-discovery. More everything. As I embark on this new journey that starts with a new job on February 16, I couldn’t be more excited for what is to come. I think the 30 Before 30 list has been and is a raving success. It has really been an experience in personal growth. It got me started, and just look where I am now!