Lazy.

Today’s Prompt: Write about something someone told you about yourself that you never forgot.

I’ve been told a lot of things about myself, and most tend not to stick. It’s the good things that never stick. Unfortunately, the negative things do stick. Not all of them, of course, but a few things definitely do. One thing in particular was especially hurtful, and it still sticks with me. I was called “lazy” several times. I lost count of how many times. It hurt, and it has stuck with me all this time and won’t be going anywhere anytime soon, even though there isn’t really any truth to it. Now, there is always that though nagging in the back of my mind: “What if I am lazy?” It’s painful to live every day with that though sitting there always in the back of your mind. It never goes away… I’ve lived the majority of my life with what I always referred to as a lack of motivation when it came to getting things done or sticking to things. I just accepted it as a fact of my being. I was okay with it until I started being called lazy. I found out about 19 months ago now, that it was actually this thing called depression. In fact, I received a pretty comprehensive diagnosis from my therapist: Social Anxiety Disorder with Characteristics of Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Persistent Depressive Disorder with seasonal worsening, Trichotillomania, and Excoriation Disorder. All of this being said, I have pretty well stomped out the Trichotillomania and the excoriation has greatly improved from what it was, but the anxiety and the depression still get the better of me quite often. In short, I learned there was a REASON for the lack of motivation. Despite the diagnosis, and treatments to manage and cope with my mental illness, I was still called lazy. No real effort was made to understand. People understanding is something I still struggle with now. I don’t know what hurt more. Thinking about this is still upsetting, let alone writing about it. But for me, what better way is there for me to get it out there?

In short, I would greatly appreciate it if no one ever called me lazy… ever again. I’d like to try to put some distance between that myself and that word.

****

Wow, that was kind of intense… It’s only day two and this challenge seems to have me pouring out my heart and soul…

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