Inspiration

After a quiet holiday long weekend with some minor frustrating occurrences, I think I may have finally found the inspiration to write something of substance. It feels like it has taken years for me to get to this point.

I started it last night. I’m not going to talk about it here until I have something a little more substantial than a few sentences.

I just wanted to share that it may finally be happening after what feels like far too long. Thank you to everyone I talked to this weekend; you helped me to get to this point.

If only I could finally get these exams out of the way already…

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Inspiration

Today’s prompt: Write about someone who inspires you.

There is one person in particular who inspires me in several aspects of my life. Her name is Felicia Day. For those of you who don’t know, Felicia is an actress, entrepreneur, and all around very talented geek. She plays video games and streams on Twitch when she can. She also created Geek and Sundry, which you should check out if you haven’t already.

So why does she inspire me? Well, for one, she is a fellow woman who loves many of the same things I do. A lot of the things  I enjoy are not necessarily typical things a woman would like, comics and video games being among them. I guess in that regard she affirms that it is okay to like the things I like and there is no reason I shouldn’t, regardless of society and its stereotypes. Having someone like her to look up to as a role model is actually quite empowering. She’s also an author, and her book is an inspiration in itself. I learned that she struggles with anxiety which I do as well. Knowing that she has accomplished everything she has while living with anxiety helps me to realize I can accomplish the goals I set out for myself. Because of Felicia, I have more confidence in my abilities, even if my anxiety sometimes makes it not feel that way.

It was also through Felicia that I discovered Team Hooman. Team Hooman is a group of like-minded people who are quite possibly the kindest, most accepting people in the world. Being a part of Team Hooman reminds me that there are quite a few good people still out there in the world. That in itself is an inspiration.

I met Felicia back in August when she did a book signing at the Indigo store at the Eaton Centre in Toronto. I wrote a blog post about it if you’re inclined to browse my blog archives. Felicia was so nice and down-to-earth and so fun and adorable. She even tried to crack a joke with me, but we both dropped the ball with the punch line. She even personalized my book, even though I didn’t go through the proper process (mostly because I wasn’t aware there was a process…). It was a pretty amazing two minutes, and I am SO glad I have some pictures to remember the experience by.

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I don’t know if you will ever read this, but Felicia, THANK YOU for being you and doing all of the amazing things you do.

Giving my Life a “Reboot”

Last night I read an interesting article on Medium written by Wil Wheaton: “7 Things I did to Reboot my Life.” In reading it, a lot of things really hit home and I recognized in it some very real things I have been struggling with in my own life. It inspired me to make the decision to “reboot” my own life. It’s something that is much needed.

In the past three months since I’ve been on my own, I’ve found myself falling into some unhealthy habits that really aren’t helping me out right now. Since July, I’ve gained 20 pounds, spent more money than I should have, in some aspects my anxiety has shot through the roof, and I’ve been feeling incredibly low for the last while. I have also not been very active, only doing the bare minimum; what I absolutely have to do.

Seeing Wil’s article has inspired me to make the necessary changes to reboot my own life as he has rebooted his. Reading about someone else doing it, and successfully at that, makes me feel like I can do it successfully as well. I have come up with a list of my own things I need to do to reboot my life, some of them taken from Wil’s list, but some also not:

  • Drink less pop and coffee
  • Read more
  • Write more
  • Sleep better/more
  • Practice better self care
  • Eat better foods, in reasonable portions
  • Exercise more
  • Use my phone more appropriately

Drink less pop and coffee – Over the last several weeks I have found myself drinking pop and coffee almost solely. I haven’t been drinking nearly enough water or other healthier beverages. For someone like me, with anxiety, this is a serious problem. The increased caffeine intake does terrible things for my anxiety and how I manage it. I’m sure it has also contributed to my generally feeling poor physically and mentally, and also my weight gain. Replacing pop and coffee with water and tea will go a long way to helping me feel better I will be more properly hydrated and I will be able to take advantage of the health benefits of the many herbal teas I already have in my home. I have already started with this transition and I have high hopes I will notice positive effects in a very short time.

Read more – I read all the time for years, and then I stopped for awhile and felt kind of blah. I started again and it felt like my mind opened up for me all over again and it felt amazing. But…I have stopped again, and any creative juices that were flowing have stopped as well. It has been incredibly frustrating for me when I have had this urge or need to create and have been unable to do so. So, I want to start reading again. I want to start reading real literary material though; actual books. My reading material lately has been the likes of Buzzfeed or Facebook. It’s clearly not working for me. Currently I have about four books started that I just kind of stopped reading for no particular reason at all. I want to start by picking them up again and finishing them within a reasonable time frame. I hope that opening my mind up to actual reading again will start to open my mind back up as a whole.

Write more – I love writing. Lately, I have been quite uninspired, as I previously mentioned. I don’t necessarily write with the goal of getting published, although that would be pretty great if it happened one day… I write for myself. I do it because I love to do it and because I enjoy how it makes me feel to write something I feel good about. There is such an overlap of great feelings when I finish a piece I am proud of, both in the process and in the accomplishment of finishing it. Having felt so uninspired lately, I have written very little and it generally bothers me that I haven’t been able to write at all very recently. I want to make a concerted effort to write a lot more. My plan is to carve out a little bit of time each day to write even a few lines. I hope to eventually publish some of my work on my blog, or in another public forum, though it’s something I am quite nervous about (anxiety and all that). I hope that as I write more I will feel more inspired and in combination with actually reading I will be able to get my creative juices flowing freely again!

Sleep better/more – I find myself not sleeping the greatest these days. I’ve been having trouble falling asleep, and though I have felt like I “sleep like the dead” on a nightly basis, I’ve not felt rested upon waking up for a good long while. I feel like it may have a lot to do with my increased caffeine intake, which I’ve already made the decision to decrease significantly. In order to try and sleep better, I am creating a bedtime ritual to hopefully facilitate falling asleep more effectively, more quickly. I will set a regular bedtime and wakeup time as well. My hope is that if I am able to fall asleep more effectively, more quickly, I will start sleeping better as well. I am immensely looking forward to waking up in the mornings feeling rested!

Practice better self care – I have been seeing my therapist for over a year now, and she has given me some fantastic tools for helping me manage my anxiety and depression without medication, even though it does get very difficult at times. Over these past several months, I admit I have not been employing those tools to properly look after myself, and my mental health is suffering for it. Rather that using these tools, I have taken to shutting myself in at home, sitting in my chair in front on the TV and just being alone. I’ve been getting up and going to work, doing only what is necessary, and then I am home, back in my chair avoiding doing anything more. I stopped going to my yoga class back in June for a reason I can’t remember, and it was doing wonders for me. I also haven’t been very kind to myself in general. Long story short, I haven’t been practicing self care like I should. I need to start practicing self care regularly once more. I need to start being kinder to myself, do the things I know will help me feel better. I also intend to find a reasonably priced yoga class to attend on a regular basis, since I already know I can’t keep up the motivation to do yoga on my own. I am also going to start practicing mindfulness again, as it helped me immensely before. I think I will also give meditation a try. It’s similar to mindfulness, only more personal; something I could use. I am going to start making use of my essential oils much more regularly as I have a few blend that help me to manage my anxiety especially. Lastly, I will start regularly using my favourite self-care ritual: a hot scented bath with a good book. Time to start looking after myself for real!

Eat better foods, in more reasonable portions – Another part of the weight gain recently is my terrible eating habits of late. I’ve been eating out too often, I’ve been eating foods that don’t fall into the category of healthy choices, and I’ve been eating entirely too much. All of these things pose a major problem, not only for managing my weight, but also for my overall health. I know how to eat healthy, I just haven’t been doing it. This part is easy. I start making healthy food choices and I stop overeating. I am going to break my habit of eating emotionally and eating when I am bored. I am also going to stop eating out so often. I think this will go a very long way to making me feel better physically, and mentally as well. I had some lessons from my therapist about how to eat to promote mental health, and I will put those lessons to work as well.

Exercise more – I don’t exercise. I just don’t do it. Admittedly, I’m a pretty lazy person and I always have been. I walk to work, sometimes home from work, and climb my stairs at home and that is just about the only exercise I get on a daily basis. Even before, when I attended a yoga class regularly, that was the only other exercise I got then. With all of this being said, it won’t take much to exercise more at all. For starters, I will make a point to walk as many places as I can, not just work. Locally, I can walk just about anywhere I need to, and only take a bus when I have to go across town or bring home groceries. The yoga class I am looking into will go a long way as well. However, I will make an effort to start running or do some other kind of physical activity as well. I think more exercise will be the final piece of the puzzle in feeling better physically.

Use my phone more appropriately – Anyone who knows me knows that my phone is an extension of my hand. I use it all the time, and if you send me a message of any kind you will get an answer almost instantly. I also spend a lot of time on social media on my phone. All in all, I probably spend far too much time on my phone. Unfortunately, it has gotten my into some trouble in recent months at work. My phone, especially in the past several months has become a sort of escape: from feeling things, from boredom, from places I didn’t want to be… It has become an inappropriate and ineffective means of escape at that. So this my cue to start changing that, and use my phone only at appropriate times, and especially NOT at work when I should be working. It may be tricky to accomplish this one, but I will!

And so that is my list of things I need to do to reboot my life. It’s kind of a long list, but I think it is all perfectly manageable and will do me wonders! I can’t wait to make these changes to my lifestyle and come out at the end feeling healthier and happier and more confident. This reboot is going to be amazing, and I can’t wait to write about the changes! Nobody ever said adulting wasn’t hard…

Change Coming… It Isn’t the End.

You may have noticed that over the last several months I have been posting very infrequently. Over those several months a lot has been happening, and I have been re-evaluating a lot of things – the way I approach things in general, priorities, myself, and even this blog.

This blog as it has been for the past two and a half years has become much to restrictive for me. I have not felt inspired to blog at all for quite some time, and as a result I even considered doing away with the blog completely. Though I seriously considered this, I ultimately came to the decision that I didn’t want to do that because it felt like I would be throwing away two and half years of hard work and a lot of my time. It just didn’t feel worth it to get rid of it and start over. Instead, I have decided to make some major changes. A few of these changes include a drastic theme change, and maybe even an eventual name change if I find one I think suits the blog better in its new form. I’ve decided to refresh just about everything.

I have only just begun making all of these changes. It will take some time to get things the way I think they should be from now on. I’m looking forward to what may come though. My hope is that I will want to blog again and that it will be fun. Maybe down the road, it will truly become something I think is amazing again. I am already starting to get a little bit excited again.